Chubbypanda.com - Restaurant Reviews, Original Recipes, Book Reviews, and Cooking Supplies

Earlier this week, I received an email from Lindsay William-Ross, Food Editor for LAist, inviting me to participate in their end-of-the-year Ten Best series. After no small amount of agonizing, I've put together a list of Orange County places where I had the ten best "ethnic" meals this year, which I've just posted on OC Food Blogs.

Chubbypanda's Ten Best Ethnic Meals of 2006 (Orange County)

Addendum: You can now read this article on LAist - Click Here!

I highly recommend both LAist and SFist, as well as the other members of it "-ist" family.

Enjoy!

Is there anything better than spending Christmas with friends and loved ones?

The only thing that I needed to make the evening complete would have been my family. But they couldn't make it down this year, and I have commitments keeping me from heading up north until later in the week. Spending Christmas with Cat, her family, and their friends was wonderful, though.



As always, our hosts put out a lovely spread. There was even a separate table for the desserts. We sang carols (badly) together afterwards. What a great evening!

The Holiday Season is a time to gather with friends, family, and loved ones, and to celebrate the fact that we can be together. Strip away the cosmetic trappings and you'll find a deeply felt celebration of community, love, and life steeped in the traditions of each family. It's a time to stay in with your loved ones and take pleasure in their company.

Growing up in a Taiwanese household, my family never really celebrated Christmas. For us, the biggest holiday was the eagerly awaited Chinese New Year, which was right around the corner. However, every year around this time, my mother would put up the old artificial tree she bought when I was a baby (since replaced with a new artificial tree). She'd decorate it with lights, a set of store-bought ornaments I'd damaged as a child, and a few coils of tinsel that had seen better days. Underneath it, she'd stack the numerous presents her Chinese School students had given her out of affection and duty, trying to make the tree look like the ones in the department stores. She didn't really understand Christmas, but she knew that my siblings and I wanted it to be special, so she tried to give us at least one thing that was similar to the family Christmas traditions we envied our friends and schoolmates for having.

As we got older, my little brother, sister, and I developed our own, modest family traditions. We exchanged small gifts with one another, built a roaring fire in the fireplace, and played board games or read in front of it while sipping Martinelli's Apple Cider. My parents would read the paper or watch Asian dramas, and we would enjoy being together and a family during this special time of year. Central to our celebrations was the baking of Christmas cookies, which we siblings always did together. Although it was never formalized, we inevitably found ourselves cooking together in front of a hot oven each year. The fruits of our labor were always dutifully presented to our father, who would carefully select and eat a cookie before making his pronouncement about the quality. We loved it.



This cookie recipe is one that I developed and adapted from several that I found. I was hoping to make it with my siblings. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to spend Christmas with them this year, so it will have to wait. (Don't feel too bad for me. I'll be spending Christmas with Cat's family instead.) However, I'm very happy to share this cookie with all of you.


Gear:

1 standard baking sheet
1 food processor
1 rubber spatula
1 cleaver (Chinese ones work well here.)
1 pastry brush
Plastic wrap


Wet Ingredients:

1 stick of unsalted butter
1/4 cup sugar or Splenda
1 large egg
1 tbsp vanilla extract


Dry Ingredients:

1-1/4 cups of all-purpose flour
2 tsp of baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Chocolate-covered caramels (Your favorite brand)
Cocoa powder
Sprinkles


Prep work:

Freeze the butter.

Place the flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt in the food processor and pulse gently to sift. Separate the egg yolk from the egg whites and retain both. Mix the egg whites with a tablespoon of water and set aside.

Using your cleaver, cut the frozen butter into cubes. I usually cut the butter into 8 1-tablespoon sized squares, then quarter the squares to make 32 smaller cubes.

Add the frozen butter cubes to the flour mixture in the food processor and buzz until the mixture resembles coarse breadcrumbs. Add the egg yolk and vanilla, and pulse a few more times until the dough clots together.

Pour the dough bits out onto your work surface and press together firmly until you have a rough brick. Try not to work the dough too much, since you don't want the butter to melt or gluten to form. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and let it rest in the refrigerator for an hour. Don't skip this step. It's necessary for the dough to hydrate and become pliable.

Roll the dough out to 1/4 inch thickness on a floured work surface. Using your cleaver, cut as many 1-1/2 inch squares as you can. Place one of your chocolate covered caramels in the center of each dough square. Carefully fold the dough around the caramel and press it into a squat cylindrical shape. Make sure there are no tears. Depending on the size of your caramels you may need to cut them into smaller pieces with your cleaver.




Instructions:

Heat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Set your dough rounds on the baking sheet roughly 1 inch apart. These cookies will neither expand nor run during baking.

Bake the cookies for between 8-12 minutes depending on the strength of your oven. You want a light golden color. Start checking after 8 minutes. Until then, do not open your oven door unless you think the cookies are actually on fire. They'll be fine.

When the cookies are very close to done, pull them out. Lightly brush each cookie with the egg white mixture, then either add sprinkles or dust with cocoa powder. Place back into the oven until done, then transfer the cookies to a rack to finish cooling. Stored in a Ziploc bag at room temperature, they'll last for up to a week. They're best enjoyed after they've had a chance to fully cool.

(Makes 12-16 cookies.)



Good Eating and Happy Holidays!

or

How the Grinch Stole Comments

It amazes me that during the one time in the year when we step out of our daily lives to celebrate our shared humanity with friends, family, and loved ones, there are still people out there who are so sad and lonely that they have nothing better to do than attack me over my last post about Chowhound:

Chowhound Board Nazis (the Conclusion) - [Crazies]

Because food has always been the primary focus of this blog, I've decided to enable comment moderation after much deliberation. Believe me, the irony of this situation has not been lost on me. However, the last thing I want to see happen here is what happened to the blog of my beloved Food Pornographer when bigots invaded.

Chowhound is full of passionate, wonderful people with a deep love for food. Many of them have similarly powerful feelings for the site and its management. That's great. One of the first things that drew me to the site was the strong sense of community I could feel on its boards. However, every group has its demons, and every online community has its trolls.

(Bad Chowhound troll! Bad! No cookie for you!)

My philosophy about comments on my blog is simple. Every comment made, whether I agree or disagree with it, will be displayed. I'm a strong believer in the First Amendment rights. All I ask is that commenters be respectful of one another, and of me. I will not permit personal attacks towards either myself or one of my readers. If you have a personal beef with me, fine. Email me directly or express it elsewhere. If you disagree with something written on this blog, that's fine as well. As long as your rebuttal is presented in a respectful manner that does not attack the person with whom you're disagreeing, your voice will be heard. Dissenting opinions are as valid as assenting ones, if not more so, because they present a differing point of view that the reader may want to consider.

If we can't love our fellow man during this joyous time of year, can we at least respect him?

(A little something extra to get you to the holidays.)

elonweis's first review for Orange County Food Blogs is up now. It's Ebisu Ramen time! Go check it out!

Cold Soba in Winter

Work it, girl!

(Well, Hump day is over, but there's still two long days to get through before Christmas. As promised, a review of my favorite Shanghai cuisine restaurant to help you deal with vacationitis.)

Where do you go in Irvine when you're looking for something to eat after 11:00 pm? Judging from the hysterical laughter, I'd say most of you know what a culinary wasteland Irvine is for late night eats. You're pretty much stuck with fast food joints, Lee's Sandwiches, Denny's, and New Shanghai.

"Wait, what's New Shanghai?" you ask.

For those of you who are always a little late to the party, New Shanghai is my favorite place for Shanghai cuisine and the only decent restaurant in Irvine open past 11:00 pm. They also serve a few Sichuan and Hunan dishes. You can tell just by looking at this picture that the food is gonna be good. Those seats aren't "San Gabriel sticky", but they're pretty damn close.


(Nothing special about this tea. I just wanted you to admire the picture.)

Cat and I were working really late one cold Winter night, which happens disturbingly often, and decided to eat out afterwards. Since it was 11:00 pm when we got back to Irvine, we headed straight to New Shanghai. Ahhh... A hot cup of tea to chase away the chill night air.


(Oh! It burns!)

Chasing away the night chill is all well and good, but nothing kicks its ass like a blazing pot of Sa Guo Yu Tou (Fish Head Stew). Half a large fish head is deep fried, then slowly simmered in a spicy both with tofu and wide glass noodles. With its bold aroma and fiery seasonings, this savory soup lit a fire in our bellies that warmed us from head to toe.


(If you're looking for zucchini, go to Panda Express.)

Once you've got Old Man Winter reeling, you take him down with Cat's favorite Gong Bao Ji Ding (Kung Pao Chicken), a classic Sichuan dish laced with more piquant punch. New Shanghai's rendition is all dark chicken meat, peanuts, and dried chilies. Not a single crappy filler vegetable to be seen. Get this dish in China and it'll be pretty damn close to what you see here.


(Yes. It's shaped like a cow. The beef is cooking in the cow. It's just wrong, yet oh-so-right.)

What? You feel sorry for the poor bastard? This is why you Southerners can't take cold weather. I don't care if he's crying for his mommy, you suck it up and finish the job! The Sha Cha Tie Ban Niu (Sizzling Satay Beef) will hit him harder than a diamond-studded two-by-four swung by a midget on speed. Tender strips of marinated beef and chunks of onion are stir-fried together in a savory and sweet Chinese satay sauce, then served on a smoking hot cast iron pan.


(Man's real best friend.)

No one will blame you if you want to get a few more licks in. How about this Jiao Yen Pai Gu (Salt & Pepper Pork Chops)? Deep-fried pork chops seasoned with salt and spicy peppers will take the last bit of fight out of him. It's like eating juicy potato chips made from pork. Addicting and terribly bad for you in all the right ways.


(Nope. No real point to a picture of rice. Just go, "Oooh," dammit.)

'Course, you'll need some fluffy rice to go with all that meaty goodness. Luckily, rice is all you can eat at New Shanghai for no additional charge.


(It's a house specialty for a reason.)

Okay. Now that you've beaten the fight out of him, call Mr. Chill a cab and send him home. He won't be bothering you no more. Time to take a swig of your tea and start really living it up with an order of Bai Ye Jiu Huang Xia (Stir-fried Shrimp with Leeks and Tofu Skin). The delicate sauce enveloping the plump shrimp and chewy tofu skin will really calm you down, while the sweet gentleness of the leeks will embrace your tongue like a lover on a cold night.


(I wish my swim instructors had looked this hot.)

Every man needs a stiff drink after a good fight. Go one better with a plate of Zhao Liu Yu Pian (Fish Filets in Wine Sauce). Strips of moist, flakey catfish swimming in a pool of wine sauce with bamboo shoot kickboards and wood ear mushroom floaties all around. Don't let a single drop of that golden ambrosia go to waste. It's the best part of this traditional Shanghai dish.


(Fried crack.)

I like to finish on a sweet note. This Dou Sa Guo Bing (Bean Paste Fried Pan Bread) makes all the right sounds with its crispy outer layer, firm wrapper, and toothsome bean paste filling. There are donuts that will grow stale and die without ever fulfilling a fried sugar craving the way this stuff does.



You might also want to take out a little extra insurance with these Zhi Ma Tang Yuan (Sesame Dumplings), just in case you run into any of Old Man Winter’s pals once you step back outside. Sweet sesame paste wrapped in rice flour dumplings that pop in your mouth like honeyed balloons. Let's see Winter beat that.

New Shanghai - When you want good food in Irvine late. Bring cash, since they only take credit cards for amounts over $30.


Bill:

Every item covered above cost $7.25 or less. It's a damn good deal.


Flavor: A-
Ambience: C
Service: B-
ROI: A+

Overall: B+


New Shanghai
5408 Walnut Ave # B
Irvine, CA 92604
(Open until midnight every night.)


***

(A little extra service for those of you who still don't want to get back to work. Just be careful. Don't want the boss to catch you looking at food porn while you're on the clock. Vacationitis is a real bitch and a half sometimes.)



In addition to great late night eats, New Shanghai also offers a selection of traditional Chinese breakfast items on the weekends for under five dollars.



At the top of the list, and thankfully available at any time, is their Niu Rou Mian (Beef Noodle Soup). This is one of Shanghai cuisine's two signature dishes. New Shanghai offers the best bowl of niu rou mian in Irvine, hands down. Don't believe me? I've eaten niu rou mian at every Chinese place in Irvine that serves it. I know whereof I speak. The only contenders that are close are A&J across the street, their's is too oily and thick, and Chinatown next to UCI. Chinatown has closed, leaving New Shanghai the undisputed champion. Their broth is rich, light, and not oily at all. The noodles are al dente, not mushy, and the beef is both tender and plentiful. Try this if you wanna eat good in my neighborhood.



The second signature Shanghai cuisine dish that they offer is Xiao Long Bao (Little Steamer Dumplings). This is the only time I'll say this about a dish at New Shanghai. Avoid it. The wrappers are too thick on top and too thin on the bottom. The dumplings tend to come out overcooked, dry, and broken open. The best xiao long bao in Irvine are actually found across the street, at the Red Onion Cafe, and are "Oh My God!" good.



Far better are New Shanghai's Shang Hai Cun Juan (Shanghai Spring Rolls), with their crispy wrappers and juicy fillings of cabbage, celery, garlic, celery, and shitake mushrooms. They're perfect. The flavors are spot-on delicious, and they're fried so skillfully that you can leave them on the plate for hours and they'll still be crispy and good when you finally eat them. 'Course, I usually clear the plate within minutes of serving.



I'm also partial to these Sheng Jian Bao (Fried Dumplings), with their crispy, potsticker-like wrappers and savory pork filling. Think of gyoza shaped like giant xiao long bao. These aren't the best I've ever had, but they're tasty and satisfying.



Ready to go back to work now?


-=Addendum March 27, 2007 at 2:51am=-

Unfortunately, New Shanghai has closed.

To read my farewell to New Shanghai, click here.

All of New Shanghai's dishes are being offered at Hsin Hsin Shao May Deli, which is owned by the same family. Hsin Hsin Shao May is located in the same shopping center New Shanghai was located in. To read my review of Hsin Hsin Shao May, click here.

I'm proud to announce the launch of Orange County Food Blogs, a food blogger community that we hope will grow with time to equal LA.Foodblogging or even Bay Area Bites. Our goal is to cover all of the tasty treats that Orange County has to offer. Membership is open to all OC food bloggers, food lovers, and/or bloggers who apply. Please swing on by and check us out.

Even if you're a blogger not interesting in joining us, we'd very much appreciate a plug on your blogs. (^_^)

Don't be strangers!

(I wasn't actually going to post this until later in the week, but a very dear friend emailed me a few days ago asking for the recipe. She tried a few of these muffins last year, and wanted to make these tart and tasty treats for a company Christmas event. Nahoko, this one's for you.)

I've always been fascinated by the pomegranate. It's such a strange fruit. I remember the first time my mother packed me off to school with one of them for lunch. We were studying Greek myths in class at the time. My mother thought a pomegranate would make an apropos Show-and-Tell item, while adding a healthy component to my standard bologna sandwich and Capri Sun lunch. I was somewhat more doubtful.

"How do I eat it?" I asked as I poked at the lurid red fruit dubiously.

"You peel skin and eat seeds," she replied patiently. "Don't eat the other parts. Very bitter."

You only ate the seeds!?! Even at a young age, something about the concept seemed horribly wasteful to me as I considered the softball-sized item. It wasn't until lunchtime, when I carefully peeled back the fruit's thin, rubbery skin to reveal row after row of juicy jewels, that I finally understood. Timid prodding loosened one of the crimson orbs, which I popped into my mouth with both excitement and fear.



Then it hit me. An explosion of mouth-puckering tartness followed by a wash of sweetness. I ate one seed after the other with relish, savoring the bursts of flavor and the crunchiness of the inner hulls. Persephone has been a fool, I decided. In her place, they would have had to invent new months to accommodate the number of fruits I'd eat.

My love for the pomegranate has only grown stronger with time, which is why I developed this recipe for Pomegranate Muffins. It's based on a Blueberry Muffin recipe from the Joy of Cooking. The moist, sweet cake and tart, crunchy pomegranate seeds create a nice contrast between textures and flavors. Please try it.


Gear:

2 standard muffin tins
2 large mixing bowls
1 flour sifter
1 rubber spatula
1 large whisk
1 microwaveable dish
1 2oz ice cream scoop


Wet Ingredients:

2 stick of unsalted butter
1 cup sugar or Splenda
4 large eggs
2 cups of whole milk
10 tbsp Grand Marnier


Dry Ingredients:

2 cups of cake flour
2 cups of whole wheat flour
2 tbsp of baking powder
1 tsp salt

Zest of 1 orange
Seeds of 2 pomegranates, washed and cleaned


Prep work:

Melt the butter in the microwave. Add the melted butter to the first mixing bowl and slowly whisk in the milk, eggs, sugar, and Grand Marnier. Incorporate well, then set aside.



In the second mixing bowl, sift in the two flours, baking powder, and salt.



Carefully pour the wet ingredients on top of the dry and fold in using the rubber spatula. Stir until the ingredients are just barely incorporated. Do not over mix, since that will cause gluten to form and result in tough muffins. Don't worry if you end up with bits of flour here and there. They'll cook out.



Fold in the pomegranate seeds and orange zest. Stop as soon as you achieve even distribution. A few turns ought to do it. Let the mixture sit in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes so that the flour particles take in some of the moisture. This will result in a thick, scoopable batter that will cook evenly.


Instructions:

Heat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Using the wax paper wrappers and leftover residue from melting the butter, butter and flour the muffin tins. I usually do this even if I'm using Teflon-coated products for a little extra anti-stick insurance.



Using the ice cream scoop, lay a round of muffin mix in each well of the muffin tins. Divide any leftover mix evenly among the wells.



Bake the muffins for between 12-15 minutes depending on the strength of your oven. The muffins will be done once a toothpick inserted into their centers slides out cleanly. Start checking after 12 minutes. Until then, do not open your oven door unless you think the muffins are actually on fire. They'll be fine.



Once the muffins are done, let them cool in their tins for a few minutes before transferring them to a rack or clear tea towel to finish cooling. Stored in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator, they'll last for up to a week. However, they're best enjoyed the same day they were baked.

(Makes 24 muffins. The recipe can be halved to make only 12 muffins.)


Good Eating and Happy Holidays!

(My original thought for tonight's article was to publish a Super Post on my favorite Shanghai cuisine restaurant in Irvine. However, recent events have given me another direction. Tonight's post will instead cover the conclusion of my Chowhound Board Nazi saga. For those of you here strictly for the food porn, never fear. My Shanghai cuisine Super Post will be published next week to help you all get through Holiday-itis at the office.)

How I Got Myself Kicked Off of Chowhound...
...by upholding my sense of honor, my dignity, and my self-respect Chubbypanda-style.

Chowhound is a San Francisco-based discussion board that was purportedly created to allow food lovers from around the world to share their favorite "locals only" spots with others. While the goal of their organization is laudable, draconian and often capricious decisions on the part of their moderators have effectively turned a project with much promise into a combination hype-machine and echo-chamber. The Chowhound Team's insistence on weeding out "insiderish" posts has directly worked against their aim of bringing lesser-known eateries into the public eye. If fondness for, and familiarity with, a restaurant marks you as an "insider" with an "agenda", how are locals to share their favorite secret spots with others?

They can't. Here lies Chowhound's Achilles Heel. As a result, you'll see ten posts in a week on much-hyped celebrity restaurants like Cube, Bluefin, Mozza, and Jar, but few unique hole-in-the-wall or mom & pop recommendations for the "Chowhounds" who "blaze trails", "comb through neighborhoods for culinary treasure", "despise hype", and "appreciate ambiance and service" but "can't be fooled by flash". In truth, I've gotten more good leads from This Hole-in-the-Wall Life by the OC Weekly's Gustavo Arellano than I ever have from Chowhound. So much for bucking hype and blazing new trails.

Long-time readers of this blog will remember that I first tangled with the Chowhound Team in October over this post about Frenzy Sushi.


(Click to read the whole text.)

Shortly afterwards, I received an email from the moderators (practically unheard of) that explained they had removed my post because they felt it was "insiderish". Fair enough. I know how discussion boards work. While I didn't agree with the mods, I knew there wasn't much I could do about it.

(For the sake of full disclosure, I've been a once-a-month customer at Frenzy Sushi for over a year. I'm not personal friends with the chef, I am not a publicist, and I do not receive any compensation for my work. However, as a regular customer and a fairly big spender, I do occasionally get comped items when I'm dining. In addition, the chef and I are on friendly terms due to my deep appreciation for his food. My goal in recommending the restaurant to others is simple. It's good. Really really good. In an area with more sushi bars than dry cleaners, a really good sushi restaurant is hard to find.)


(Click to read the whole text.)

For two months, I was a good little muzzled panda, just like the moderators had asked. I occasionally mentioned Frenzy in response to posts about sushi, or when it seemed apropos, but I didn't attempt to post other reviews for it. Then, yesterday, I responded to a survey asking for everyone's top five Ultimate OC Restaurants in 2006. I replied honestly, and Frenzy Sushi was at the top of my list. Within a few hours, my post had been deleted. I couldn't understand it. I didn't think I'd done anything wrong, or against what the moderators had demanded. Compared to my other posts, it was quite innocuous; just a name and a city in a list of names and cities. The deletion seemed utterly whimsical and capricious.

At this point, I knew I had a choice. I could continue to kowtow to the censorship of a high-handed group of moderators who wouldn't explain themselves to the very users who drove their business and kept them employed, or I could stand up for what I believed in, give my honest opinion, and take my punishment like a man. As cheesy as it sounds, some words from the Hagakure, one of the seminal texts in the school of Iaido that I practice, helped me make my decision.

A samurai who is not prepared to die at any moment will inevitably die an unbecoming death. But a samurai who lives his life in constant preparation for death - how can he conduct himself in a despicable manner? One should reflect well on this point and behave accordingly.
- Hagakure, the teachings of Jocho Yamamoto.

I reposted my list without any additional explanation. It was my pure, unvarnished, and uncensored opinion. My post was deleted again, so I reposted again. Another deletion. For the next two days, the Chowhound team and I repeated this dance over and over again. Since I work in IT, I'm in front of a computer 10-12 hours a day. It was easy for me to check the discussion thread regularly and to repost my list if necessary. The Chowhound Team couldn't keep up with me. My opinion was read. My voice was heard.


(Click to read the whole text.)

This evening, I received the terse email above from the Chowhound Team threatening me with expulsion if I didn't stop posting about Frenzy. I found myself at a crossroads. If I continued on my path, I'd be expelled from Chowhound forever. I'd lose the ability to interact with a number of fine people that I'd met on the board and a portion of my readership. In all honesty, the traffic to this blog would probably suffer. On the other hand, what did it say about me or my principles if I caved to an uncompromising dictatorship and censored myself on the board? What weight would my posts have if they didn't reflect my true opinions?


(Click to read the whole text. Depending on your browser, you may have to click on the image again to view it at actual size.)

I sent this email back to the Chowhound Team explaining in a very reasonable and structured manner why I could not comply with their demand. Then, I reposted my list for the last time.



A few minutes later I refreshed the page and was asked to log in. When I tried to do so, I received the message, "Login unsuccessful. Please check your Username and Password". The Chowhound Team had deleted my account. No explanations, no reply to my email, no attempt at further communication. I had failed to follow their orders and been excommunicated. It wasn't unexpected. I had lost a battle that I knew I wouldn't be able to win against a foe who, in that situation, held every advantage over me. Yet, I'd made my stand and stuck to my principles. I was done with Chowhound, and they were done with me.


It felt great.



The Chowhound Board Nazis Saga:

• Chowhound Board Nazis - [Crazies]


• Chowhound Board Nazis Redux - [Crazies]


• Chowhound Board Nazis (the Conclusion) - [Crazies]

Chowhound Board Nazi Commentary from Fellow Bloggers:

• Chowhound Confounds by Sam of Becks & Posh


• The Chowhound Sandbox by Fatemeh of Gastronomie


• Adventures in Chowhound by Alice of Alice Q. Foodie


• The Incredible Shrinking Chowhound: censorship at work again? by Pim of Chez Pim


• Deleted Posts on Chowhoud by Jonah of la.foodblogging


• Community Kvetch by Anita of Married with Dinner

As if leading the way in humanoid robotics and creating BO-defeating deodorizing candy wasn't enough, scientists in Japan have managed to create not one, but two useful products by heating bovine manure under pressure.

That's right. You read that correctly. They're cookin' up using cow poop. Although they're not baking brownies, what they're making is almost as tasty; vanilla and gasoline, just not together.

More precisely, the Japanese scientists from the International Medical Center of Japan have managed to produce vanillin, the main organic scent and flavor component in vanilla. Most synthetic vanillin is currently produced using lignin, a chemical present in the cell walls of plants. Since cows consume an enormous amount of plant material, their feces contain high concentrations of lignin in the form of mostly indigestible cell walls. Using a one-hour heating and pressuring process, the lignin can be extracted and converted to vanillin. Amazingly enough, producing vanillin from the lignin present in cow manure is less than half as expensive as any other method. The cow has already done most of the work in extracting the lignin from plants. Best of all, once the lignin has been converted to vanillin, the processed feces can still be used as fertilizer.

Vanillin extracted in this manner couldn't be used in food (thank the gods!), but would instead be used to scent products such as candles, soap, and air fresheners.

Even more exciting is the recent news that a separate group of Japanese scientists from the Tokyo University of Agriculture and Technology have developed a process that enables them to extract 0.042 ounces of gasoline from every 3.5 ounces of moo poop, although the details given so far have been sketchy given the high demand for such technology in oil-poor Japan.



I might hesitate to wash my face with vanilla soap or scent my house with vanilla pooppourri made using cow manure. But, given the world's dwindling supply of gasline and the need to develop alternative sources of energy, I'll certainly be first in line to gas up at the new and improved Chevron. It really doesn't get much more "alternative" than this.

You've got to hand it to those wacky Japanese scientists. Now that they're broken the cow poop code, can advanced battle mecha and genetically engineered super-martial artists be far behind? I certainly hope not.

All hail our future overlords.


Sources:

• Japanese researchers extract vanillin from cow dung from Forbes.com.


• Japanese make gasoline from cattle droppings from MSNBC.

(This post is dedicated to my good buddy Elmomonster, who taught me that mixed metaphors can be magical. It's also dedicated to the men and women with whom I work. You guys make every day a joy. Even the longest, hardest days are bearable because you're such great people. Thank you, and happy holidays.

One by one, the cars rolled up to the long, arching driveway as startled valets rushed to open doors and take keys. Civics, Camrys, Accords, Optimas, and Altimas disgorged a horde of software engineers and their families, who strode past the bemused doorman and the great glass doors of the hotel lobby like 50s movie stars. Courteous attendants greeted each new arrival, refined ambassadors welcoming foreign dignitaries to a new land. Nothing seemed to faze the staff at the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach.



As holiday parties went, we knew this one was going to be a doozy. We'd come a long way from a seedy warehouse in Newport Beach so many years ago. There were six of us, myself included, with a dream and barely enough money to keep us afloat. Our CEO had worked 20-hour days running another company he owned, trying to fund our fledgling enterprise. He had a vision, we had the drive, and magic had happened. This gathering was a celebration of the road traveled and friends met. We'd achieved so much, and we needed to gather our strength for the challenges ahead.



We congregated nervously around the open bar in joyous anticipation of the night's festivities. It was like Homecoming, Winter Formal, and Prom all over again with families gathered in little clusters, eyeing one another shyly. The conversational clots slowly grew larger. Friends huddled together for protection against social embarrassment and for mutual support. Then, as the libations flowed, the ice within us thawed. Natural diplomats seized the reins of discourse, bridging divides and making introductions until, with a muted crash, the ice shattered and we all came together in a riotous festival of merriment and mirth.



All too soon, servers began circling the ballroom, signaling the commencement of our holiday repast. There were only three of them, yet they seated and served us with such dedication that I would have commended it, save for the brusqueness with which they treated us. At times I couldn't decide whether I was being served a meal or fed at a trough. Given the scores of us in the room, the cold efficiency wasn't a surprise. However, I felt that a locale as grand as the Hyatt Regency should have been able to offer a higher level of service, particularly given the cost of our outing.



We started with a sumptuous lobster bisque that was to richness what wild sex on the beach is to a clichéd pickup line. Thick and unctuous, it coated the tongue in an orgy of dairy and spice. I christened it "Butter with Lobster Seasoning". Yet, I was oddly disappointed. I'd had this lobster bisque at a management summit we'd hosted at the same hotel and, as good as the bisque was at the holiday party, it had been even better then, with a strong lobster presence and much more meat. Difficulties with serving such a large group, I assumed. The Shire Nomad enjoyed the soup very much. Cat thought it was too heavy on the butter and cream, and light on the lobster flavor.



Along with our soup, we were also given golden, soft olive rolls and butter. Cold and chewy, these bready morsels exuded that delicate, fresh-from-the-bag aroma of food-grade plastic. However, torn into pieces and dipped in the soup, they proved an effective method for diluting the intense, buttery bisque.



This refreshing salad followed our soup course. As Elonweis put it in Food Network speak, it was an excellent example of a deconstructed salad. Cat jokingly countered that it was the laziest salad she'd ever seen. Composed of crisp Romaine lettuce, sliced red onion, chunks of hearts of palm, cherry tomatoes, and an avocado wedge, it was topped with a tangy tequila and lime vinaigrette. Once assembled, it was light and sharp, and did a nice job cleansing our palates after the heavy flavors of the lobster bisque.



Our entree was this glorious juxtaposition of the terrestrial and the aquatic that I decided to name Ahab and Moby Dick. On the left, Ahab was a single de-boned, seared, and roasted chicken leg perched precariously on a bed of mashed potatoes and covered in a chicken stock, mushroom, and white wine reduction. On the right, Moby Dick was a teriyaki marinated and grilled filet of salmon firmly seated on his own mashed potato throne, and covered with a tropical fruit salsa.

Ahab was delicious, with paper-thin skin that tore easily to reveal moist, flavorful flesh that harmonized well with his mashed potato base. Moby Dick was more problematic. While flaky and cooked perfectly, the gamey taste of fish past its prime refused to be tamed by the cloying sweetness of the tropical fruit salsa. I wasn't sure that I approved of Moby Dick's overall sickly flavor, particularly when paired with the same mashed potatoes that had served Ahab so admirably. No matter how many times I stabbed at Moby Dick with the harpoon-like tines of my fork, he refused to yield a combination of fruity, starchy, fishy, and sweet that was pleasing to me.

Even more distressing was the pool of sauce surrounding Ahab and Moby Dick. While the presentation of the dish was marvelous, the use of a single plate had allowed both sauces to mingle, presenting such a confusion of flavors that my tongue was tempted to curl up in the back of my throat and cry itself to sleep. For a time, Ahab and Moby Dick battled for flavor supremacy in their soupy seasoned sea before eventually sinking below waves of disappointment together, still locked in mortal combat. To the side, the sautéed spears of asparagus provided a bland balance as they watched the two titans struggle. I called them Ishmael.



A shining beacon of hope after the Aristotelian tragedy of the entree, this Christmas tree dessert spread a soothing blanket of peace across our troubled tongues. A thin cup of patterned cake held whipped cream topped by a gentle peppermint and white chocolate mousse. Studded with fresh berries and flanked by squiggles of kiwi and strawberry syrups, the tart and clean flavors of this confection danced through our mouthes, chasing away our sad memories of the Ahab and Moby Dick.



As we lingered over coffee, conversing with old friends and new, we felt both melancholy and renewal. Our revelry was drawing to an end, yet we would be back in our offices soon enough, surrounded by the friendship and camaraderie forged by determined minds striving for the same goals. We were thankful for each other, blessed both at work and at home.



The chill night air cleared my head as Cat and I left the party. Although the food I'd sampled that night had not been all I had hoped, I had feasted fully on the companionship of dear friends and colleagues. It had a been a night I wouldn't soon forget, and one that had given me yet another reason to work even harder, so that I might enjoy many more of those nights in the years to come.


The Californian at the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach - Probably not the best place to host an event with over a hundred people. The quality of service provided by their kitchen and wait staff seems to drop drastically. However, I might recommend it for smaller parties of twenty or less based on past experience.


Bill:

Since this was a company dinner, I can't divulge the cost per person for the event. As such, I'll be discarding the ROI value in my overall calculations.


Flavor: C+
Ambience: A
Service: B-
ROI: Discarded

Overall: B


The Californian (Event caterer & hotel restaurant)
21500 Pacific Coast Hwy,
Huntington Beach, CA 92648
714-845-4776
http://www.huntingtonbeach.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/entertainment/restaurants/index.jsp


Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach
21500 Pacific Coast Hwy,
Huntington Beach, CA 92648
1-714-698-1234
http://www.huntingtonbeach.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/index.jsp