Elephant Bar - Irvine, CA

(Pictures for this review taken with my Canon PowerShot SD100.)

Ten years ago, I was passing through Bumblefuck, Oregon, on some camping trip or another when I made a stop at the town gas station. As I was filling up, a wide-eyed eight-year-old who had probably only seen a Chinese person on TV asked me this question.

Him: "Do yew know kung-foo?"

Me: *blink* "Yes. Yes I do."

It was the gods' honest truth, but I swear I felt guilty saying it. I don't know what the little kid was thinking. I'm convinced that he half expected me to do a back flip onto the station's tin roof and fight off a bunch of ninja wildlife activists out to destroy kittens, flowers, and mom's apple pie. Out of all of the Asians in our group, he'd managed to pick the only one who knew kung-fu. I felt like a walking stereotype. Cheap. Dirty...

Which is how I felt after trying out the Elephant Bar in Irvine.


(Garishly seductive.)

I tried not to, but I liked the Elephant Bar. I mean, I really *really* liked the Elephant Bar. Like, I was in like with the Elephant Bar. I <3-ed the Elephant Bar.

I'm such a corporate slut.


Deep wood tones, the little black dress of restaurant decor.

It's hard to escape the omnipresent reach of chain restaurants in Orange County, particularly in a city like Irvine. However, I wasn't expecting to be taken in by the Elephant Bar quite so easily. Before I knew it, I'd been whisked out the door and into a cab while she nibbled on my ears and whispered naughty naughty things to me.


(Can't help but look.)

I don't know what it was that first drew me to her. Wait, I lie. I do know. That low-cut kitchen wall, hinting at the lush pleasures she offered. I was weak. I looked. Oh gods, I wanted to see more.


(More is more.)

Truth be told, I knew she wasn't a lady. A little too wild, a little too forward, and just a tad more makeup than she really needed. But, sometimes you don't want straight-laced. Sometimes what you need is someone wild and wanton to spice up your life.


(Quite the sense of humor.)

She was a real sharp cookie. Had a real mind, that one did. I knew she was working me over and I didn't care. She made me laugh. Made me laugh harder than I'd laughed in a long long time. A real pro.


(Huge tracks of land.)

With assets like that, who gave a hoot? I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I was eyeing her the way a starving man looks at a packet of dry roasted peanuts. I couldn't wait to tear open the wrapper and taste the salty goodness.


(Artichoke Dip - Cat's favorite appetizer.)

We started off slow. A hot bowl of creamy, cheesy goodness laced with artichoke hearts and spinach. A little tomato, some fresh-made tortilla chips... I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn't. But, it felt too good to stop.


(Coconut Shrimp Skewers - Food on a stick is good.)

It didn't stay slow for long. Soon we were spicing it up with crunchy skewers of coconut-crusted jumbo shrimp in a zesty ginger dressing. She kept it from being too much at once with a salad of cooling greens.


(Santa Barbara Burger - Cat likes avocado in her burgers.)

A little something vanilla; classic, but with a sexy twist. Avocado instead of cheese... Yes, please! It was a little dry at first, but once everything blended together, it was a real winner. The fries were a little flabby, but no one is perfect.


(Adventure Side Salad - Jamaica Mojo, I choose you!)

A sweet interlude. Slow-moving with thick flavors and no surprises. Just nuts, fried fruit, and a mysterious black sauce that flowed over my tongue like a warm jungle night. Good, but I wanted more of that spicy ginger lovin' she gave me with the shrimp.


(Misoyaki Fire-Grilled Salmon - Fusion done right.)

What a finale. I'm still tingling. Miso-marinated salmon, grilled over an open flame and resting on a bed of rice and stir-fried veggies. Goodness, we made a mess. Delicious sauce everywhere.


Elephant Bar Restaurant - I know I shouldn't like it. I know she's nothing but trouble. I know how sleazy this all looks. But, I'll be back. I can't help it. It was just sooooo gooooood...

(I like to add that Cat is quite classy and always a lady. She's the love of my life, and I'm a lucky man to be marrying her. The tawdry descriptions above do not allude to her in any way.)


Bill (for two):

E-Bar “Famous” Artichoke Dip - 7.25
Niu Niu Coconut Fried Shrimp Skewers - 7.95
Santa Barbara Burger - 7.50
Jamaica Mojo Side Salad - 3.95
Misoyaki Fire-Grilled Salmon - 13.95

Tax - 3.15
Tip - 6.50

Total - 50.25


Flavor: A
Ambience: A+
Service: A+
ROI: B+

Overall: A


Elephant Bar
Irvine, CA
14346 Culver Drive
1-949-651-6087
http://www.elephantbar.com

Other Locations:
Throughout California and some of the western states.

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A Moment of Silence

Friend and fellow OC Food Blogs contributor Wandering Chopsticks has the following article up on her blog:

Thai Nakorn Burned Down

She's also included addition information in this post on OC Food Blogs.

Instead of the post I had planned for this evening, I'd like to dedicate a moment of blogging silence to an old friend. Here's to hoping it comes back better than ever.

Until tomorrow night...

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Little Amsterdam - Saratoga, CA [CLOSED]

(Edit 02/02/2014: I believe this venerable institution has closed after nearly four decades in downtown Saratoga. Just dropped by Little Amsterdam for breakfast and found an empty shell.  If I'm wrong, or if they've just moved, please tell me in the comments below.)

Traditions are built when the repetition of a specific acts take on meanings larger than the acts themselves. Each family has ones that are unique to that family. For my father and I, a breakfast of eggs scrambled with Thai basil before a big test or event became a tradition, a little something special that my dad did just for me. For my family, celebrating victories or achievements over noodles, usually pho, was another tradition. Now that my siblings and I have all moved away from home, a morning walk and breakfast are fast shaping up to be a new tradition for us when we're back in town.


(I miss the crisp mountain air.)

Our walks tend to be long, meandering through the side streets by our parents' house and taking us past childhood landmarks. As we stroll through the quiet streets early in the morning, we catch up with what's going on in each other's lives. While my little brother, little sister, and I are all very close, we're also quite independent. So, although we stay in touch, we rarely feel the need to call each other up and talk about our lives. These walks are how we reconnect with one another and share family news.


(It's not big, but it's home.)

We inevitably head towards downtown Saratoga, which is a small, cozy area known in Silicon Valley for its fine dining. It's another childhood landmark that I always want to revisit.


("Main Street" Saratoga)

Big Basin Way is the heart of downtown Saratoga, where most of the shops and restaurants are located. When I was in high school, I worked at Marjolaine French Pastries. It was practically my second home and located right down this street. After Margaret and Joe sold it, it was eventually replaced by a Tapioca Express. I still visit the old storefront every time I'm there. Lots of good memories.


(Good grease here.)

Our usual destination is the only restaurant on Big Basin Way where you can get a casual, sit-down breakfast. Cute and kitsch, Little Amsterdam is a classic American diner brazenly offering simple, tasty fare on a street dominated by haute cuisine. I've tried every restaurant in Saratoga. This is my favorite spot to grab a bite.


(Can you spot the gnome?)

The decor is singing milkmaids meets the Sound of Music, with a nice bit of traditional greasy spoon mixed in. Service can be a little brusque if you're not a regular, but the waitresses are efficient and get the job done.


(Straight, with cream and two sugars. Manly.)

Of course, it wouldn't be a diner without the bottomless cup of coffee. The java at Little Amsterdam is actually pretty good. Then again, if it's early in the morning I could be drinking caffeinated motor oil and I wouldn't know the difference.


(Mmmm... Heart attack tastes good.)

This particular visit only included my brother, Terragnome, and I. My sister was still sleeping off a late night outing with friends. Terragnome and I both ordered our usual, the Regular Breakfast, which comes with two eggs made to order, hash browns, toast, and a choice of ham, bacon, sausage, or hamburger. Since we were feeling particularly kosher that morning, we got one breakfast with bacon and one with sausage so that we could share the meats. What you see up there is my plate, with eggs over easy, two pieces of buttered rye toast, hash browns, two strips of bacon, and two sausage links.

The eggs were perfectly done, with thick, runny yolks inside. The bacon was nice and crunchy, without any fat. The sausage links were plump and juicy and the hash browns were crunchy on the outside, but soft and mealy on the inside. I like to eat this plate by making little fried egg and bacon sandwiches. The sausage I enjoy by itself, and the hash browns just need a little ketchup and Tabasco to make them delectable. My idea of a good time.


(Mattresses should be this fluffy.)

We also decided to split a Short Stack of pancakes. It was absolutely the right decision, although we had to roll each other home afterwards. Each order comes with two huuuuge pancakes that are so light and airy, you need to pin them to the plate with your fork to keep them from floating away.


(Syrup sponges.)

All those little pockets are perfect for soaking up butter and maple syrup. Each piece is a little bite of heaven. A sweet ending to our morning.

Well, that's what it felt like until the walk back, which was a lot more painful.


Little Amsterdam - For hearty breakfasts or burgers at good prices. Bring cash, since they don't take cards or checks. If you're not in particularly good shape, you'll definitely want to drive there. You might even want to consider a wheelbarrow to get you from the restaurant back to your car.


Bill (for two):

Regular Breakfast w/Bacon - 8.95
Regular Breakfast w/sausage - 8.95
Short Stack - 3.75 (I think. Receipt got smudged.)

Tax - 1.68
Tip - 3.67

Total - 27.00


Flavor: B+
Ambience: B+
Service: C+
ROI: B+

Overall: B+


Little Amsterdam
14490 Big Basin Way
Saratoga, CA 95070
1-408-867-9172
(Cash only)

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Farewell Red Onion - Irvine, CA [OC Food Blogs]

It's with great sadness that I announce the closure of the Red Onion Cafe. The restaurant's last day will be January 15th, 2007. I urge all of you to go this week and try it one last time. It won't be coming back.

Red Onion Cafe Closing - Details about the restaurant closing and a list of my favorite dishes on OC Food Blogs.

Red Onion Cafe - Irvine, CA [Eating] - My review of the restaurant.

I'm a very sad panda.

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Osechi and How to Lick a Cat - Aptos, CA [Crazies]

For several years during high school, I worked at the renowned Marjolaine French Pastries in Saratoga. The owners, Margaret and Joe Novak, were a warm, welcoming couple who cared deeply about both the quality of their product and their customers. I became fast friends with their son, the Oni, and our deep friendship has continued to endure, despite a few rocky points over the past twelve years. It was also at Marjolaine that I met Waldensian, Ninjafuzz, K Love a.k.a. the Boy, and Semajim. Their friendship has also withstood the test of time.


(Ooooh! Pweddy!)

The day after Ninjafuzz's legendary New Year's bash, Margaret asked the Oni to invite a number of his friends over to her home for a traditional Japanese New Year's celebration.


(Where to begin?)

When Semajim and I arrived, the dining room table practically groaned under the weight of all the tasty osechi. Ninjafuzz and I were both suffering from lack of sleep and the liberal amount of "celebrating" we'd done the night before. However, the sight of all that delicious food cleared my head and awoke in me a hunger to try everything. Besides, I spotted a little something that I knew would fix me right up.


(Can you spot the miracle drug?)

A shot or two of syrupy hot sake washed away the last of the cobwebs. What can I say? The donut & nigori sake shooters I'd invented the night before seemed like a good idea at the time. For those of you worried about the state of my liver, it's ok. I rarely indulge like this. Cat takes good care of me. But, moderation in all things, including moderation.


(Lilliputian Life Savers)

Since I still wasn't sure about the state of my stomach, I decided to start with something light. These lotus slices, and the lightly pickled cucumber relish in the bowl behind them, were just what I needed to cleanse my palate and reawaken my appetite. I was back in the game!


(Joy and health? Seconds please.)

At Margaret's insistence, I had a large helping of this konbu (seaweed) and kuro-mame (black soybean) mixture. Soft and slightly sweet, it was a traditional Japanese New Year's dish meant to bring joy and health to the eater. Given how I'd felt when I'd staggered out of bed, I went back for seconds.


("Five a day" and more.)

Feeling the need for more healthy nourishment, I sampled some of this lovely crudités platter. I wasn't quite up to anything heavy yet, so I gave the dip a pass. The veggies were fresh and invigorating. I was particularly fond of the beets, which were sweet and a little spicy, and made excellent hurling weapons when the occasion called for it.


(Chinese for "tasty".)

The Chinese Chicken Salad was next. Its complex balance of sweet, sour, soft, and crunchy prompted Waldensian to comment that it was very Panda Express. As the running gag goes in our group, "Panda Express" is Chinese for "tasty". I'm pretty sure they started that just to tweak me, but it was so long ago, I can't remember.


(Adult Lunchables)

Now that I felt much more human, this charcuterie platter called to me with its rustic blend of brie, salami, and starch. The winning combination was obvious, and I enjoyed each savory morsel.


(A little taste of home.)

This delicate dish of savory chicken stewed with carrots, shitake mushrooms, and bamboo shoots in a soy-based broth was both filling and comforting. The gentle flavors reminded me of my grandmother's cooking.


(Golden pouches of deliciousness.)

A heaping platter of inari-zushi provided the starch. Pouches of fried tofu skin simmered in a sweet broth were stuffed with generous helpings of sushi rice. This was another traditional dish, meant to symbolize bags of money and bring prosperity in the new year. I've loved these since I was a child.


(Super deluxe!)

It's not Japanese New Year's without sushi. Margaret had purchased this hefty platter of assorted rolls from a local Japanese market. There wasn't much left by the time we were done with it.


(Grilled to perfection.)

We stuffed ourselves until we thought we couldn't eat any more. Little did we know that the best was yet to come.


(Who needs to chew?)

Who could resist Margaret's teriyaki marinated steak? Skillfully sliced by the Oni, each tender morsel melted away like beefy butter in our mouths. We packed bite after agonizing bite of meaty goodness into our already strained bellies.


(Uncle! Uncle!)

The real coup de grace was Margaret's Kahlua pork, which she'd slow roasted for hours and pulled apart by hand. It was the most amazingly seasoned and incredibly juicy Kahlua pork I'd ever had. We couldn't get enough of it. Somehow, we managed to find enough room left in our tummies to do it justice.


(Memories in ball form.)

As we lolled in our chairs and attempted to digest, those of us with death wishes nibbled on these daifuku mochi (pounded rice cakes filled with sugary bean paste). Chewy and sweet, they tasted of childhood visits to Taiwan.


(Yes, this became an entire whole conversation.)

Unable to move after the glorious feast, we stayed and chatted well into the afternoon about a myriad of subjects, including how to lick a cat. Watch the video above if you'd like to hear Waldensian's take on the best method to secure a cat for licking. Yes, we're talking about the kind that goes, "meow". No, we didn't actually try any of these. It's amazing what people talk about when they're too full to move.



It was an excellent meal with some really good friends. I'd like to thank Margaret and Joe for welcoming us into their home. I'd also like to thank my good friend, the Oni, for inviting me partake of his family's wonderful New Year's feast. Finally, and most importantly, I'd like to thank Margaret for all of her hard work in preparing the spectacular food, which was thoroughly enjoyed by all. It was truly "Panda Express".


***About Margaret's French Bakery***

While I was in college, Margaret and Joe decided to simplify their lives by selling their retail stores and concentrating on the supply side of their business. However, their delicious cakes and desserts continue to be available at Marjolaine Bakery and Cafe in Los Altos, which is owned and operated by a former Marjolaine employee who I worked under. I also highly recommend a visit to Margaret's online store at Margaret's French Bakery, where you'll find photos of her wedding cakes and detailed descriptions of her delightful delicacies. The online shopping cart isn't up yet, but soon will be. If you live in Silicon Valley, you can also order cakes and wedding cakes directly from her production facility in Campbell. You won't find better products anywhere else.

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I'm Not Worthy (of the LA Times) - [Crazies]

I checked my email this morning to find a message from Professor Salt of You Gonna Eat That? pointing me to this article on the Los Angeles Times website. You can read the parent article here.



Freakin' unbelievable. I'd like to thank Amy Scattergood, the author of the article, for both noticing this blog and for feeling that my writing is good enough for a mention in the LA Times. Thanks, Amy! You've made my day!

I was also really happy to see Gastronomy 101, Colleen Cuisine, Oishii Eats, Tuna Toast, and Erin's Kitchen make the list. Of course, it wouldn't be a party without Deep End Dining and You Gonna Eat That?. But, I was surprised that Monster Munching, which I consider to be the definitive Orange County food blog, did not. It's ok, Elmo. Like the Prof said, we still love you.

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New Year's 2007 - San Jose, CA [Crazies]

(I discovered too late in the evening that I'd left my standard issue sidearm (digicam) back at the house. Luckily, I had my secondary (cell phone camera) on me, but the pictures have suffered to an appropriate degree. Mucho apologies.)

Let's start out with...

Happy New Year!


(Ooooh... Sparkly...)

Thank you all so much for reading this food blog. Words can not express my appreciation. Thank you.

***


(The wine hasn't even been poured.)

One of the best things about being back in NorCal for the holidays is the chance to hang out with the wild and zany peeps I miss so much from the hedonistic days of my youth. High school can be a trying time, so it really helps to have good friends to see you through it. I owe a lot to these guys.



Ninjafuzz, Waldensian, and 742 were kind enough to open their home for us as we rang in the New Year. Major props go out to Ninjafuzz for putting together an awesome bash of mini-epic proportions. I don't think the neighbors will ever forget the finale. Of course, tasty food was involved.


The key to every good party.

Two Buck Chuck was out in force, along with cognac, several types of beer, and an icy bottle of nigori sake. Believe you me, they got the job done.


(Wine is a double-edged sword.)

'Course, some people can handle their alcohol better than others. ... Some people really can't.


(Gotta love the classics.)

I kicked off my nibbling with a classic bruschetta. Clean and crisp, the flavors refreshed my palate for the goodies to come.


(Is there anything cheese and olives can't improve?)

I followed up with a meatier bruschetta topped with mozzarella and a tomato olive tampenade. The freshness of the mozzarella was key, but the dark richness of the olives really carried this dish.


(Smoked Gouda, will you marry me?)

My wanderings were temporarily halted by my need to fully explore an alluringly rustic cheese platter, which offered a delightful selection of smoked gouda, brie, and havarti. If I could have bathed in the smoked gouda, I would have. There was even a bowl of rendered bacon for those who truly wanted to make their cheese and cracker combos decadent. Mmmm... Smoked cheese and meat...


(Helloooo nurse!)

Semajim and his lovely fiancée brought this absolutely gorgeous brie en croute. A tender, flakey crust enveloped a molten core of brie and pesto.


(Hot starch on fat on starch action.)

Oh gods. So sexy. This picture doesn't do it justice.


(I'll take sausage any way I can get it.)

Meaty Italian sausage nuggets of marinara goodness. Plump, juicy, and full-flavored, I really enjoyed sliding these sausages into my mouth.


(Hand-sized pies are always good.)

I don't care how crappy a pie is, make it small enough to hold in my hand and you've got yourself a winner. This gigantic apple turnover was the exact opposite of crappy. The light crust melted away in my mouth and the filling, while redolent with apple flavor, wasn't too sweet. It was like eating Johnny Appleseed's soul.


(Holy Crap! It's a zombie Dick Clark!)

Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve on the telly, lovely ladies (and Scott) on the couch, killer muzak blasting in the background, and an awesome time was had by all.


(Run, Forrest, run!)

What better way to end an awesome New Year's bash than with fireworks at midnight. I hope the San Jose Police Department isn't reading this. Thank you for organizing the party, Ninjafuzz. You're both a scholar and a gentleman.

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